If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
