i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
where am i from again
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
