She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
