you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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