I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
