omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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