If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
