i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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