brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
