I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
