Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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