Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
