Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
