i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
