As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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