The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fuck appropriateness.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
