Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
