Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
