sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
