They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
