the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
