moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
