Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
