you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
