I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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