his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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