There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
