I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
