Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
