I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
