We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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