I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
