We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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