The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
