Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
