I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
