we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had sex on a roof
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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