hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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