he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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