loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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