And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
