Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
