So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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