he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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