drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
