I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's the barista slut.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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