Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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