She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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