no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
