And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
