I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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