Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
