I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
