I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
