hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
