Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
