Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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